Dedicated to the Matthew Shepherds, Bradley Mannings, Danny Chens*, and other scapegoats: those who seen as weak or different in some way from others.
The price of standing up for what one believes is often steep.
We are all agents of change, + or -, whether we intend it or not.
Bullying doesn't only happen to middle-school kids in this country. Adults may feel too much shame to report they have been victims because "it isn't supposed to happen [to adults]." If it does, it shows they are "weak" or "defective." "I'm not a tattle-tale." "I'll get blamed." "No one will do anything."
* http://www.nytimes.com/2…
EXAMPLE
After 12 years of being a member I am seriously considering cancelling my membership. The downtown YMCA has been hemorrhaging members for some time.
One reason is that it has become increasingly dysfunctional. I heard that no one gets fired here for any reason. Well, maybe setting fire to the building.
Take another example: the swimming pool. You have to spend as much time as I do there every week (8 hours for the past two years) to discover this.
In the past three years I have witnessed misconduct wherein a few morning lifeguards scapegoat and denigrate swimmers they dislike: "He's a straggler," "She asked me to let the other swimmer know if they could split the lane" or "Don't listen to him, he's a weirdo."
It's a pass-time, literally, for them. And the Y does not rein it in. Who knows how many members have experiences like mine but do not speak out.
As one who has been the object of attacks at the Y*, I can attest to the unremitting rudeness, indolence, condescension, and malice of these persons who have an overweening sense of entitlement in inverse proportion to their age.
(Me): "What do you think of the morning lifeguards?" (Another regular swimmer): "Not very much. They're not helpful...it's too bad. They set the tone."
* * * * *
One recent experience was a concrete example. I had become used to a few lifeguards being rude to the point of insulting my personal hygiene. But nothing prepared for one playing with the truth about what he allegedly observed.
A member whom I can only describe as a super-creep ("The Hulk") and with whom I had never exchanged words bawled me out several months ago because I had accidentally kicked him.
He stopped in the middle of his lane and roared over and over again "DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME?? YOU KICKED ME!!!" to which I responded, "I'm really sorry" or "I'll try not to do it again." This happened at least half a dozen times. I finally gave up, "We're not getting anywhere. I've said 'I'm sorry'" and began to swim again.
Since that time, this member (no pun intended) has accosted me a dozen times. I have scrupulously avoided glancing in his direction. What ever happened to the right to free association? After the ninth time loudly "greeting" me, he was forcing himself on me.
It reminded me of the rapist who tells the woman, "Well, you've gonna have to beam at me when you see me like we're old friends. It did not happen." If she tells him "Leave me alone," she's really "gonna get it."
Just today at the YMCA pool we were there in adjacent lanes for an hour. I barely grazed him once and later lightly touched him, to which his response was to kick me.
Ten minutes later, the lifeguard--a guy whom I had complained was telling swimmers to leave the pool 10 minutes before the lap session was actually over--informed me that I had to change my swim-stroke because I was hitting other swimmers.
I tried to tell the lifeguard "He kicked me" and ask "Did you witness this?" "How many times?" But he cut me off with a "No" and walked away. This is a person you have difficulty believing. It was tit-for-tat, with his tat being invented.
But I guess it's nice to join in the fray and give someone relatively vulnerable a big kick when it suits you.
It is discouraging, too, when the senior lifeguard does so as well. The Y badly needs a fair-minded head lifeguard, one who looks for solutions instead of throwing the book at others ("that fixes things"); one whose preconceived ideas of persons and events does not impair his judgment ("Saying 'hello' is not harassment").
Staff come and go, members like myself are here for years. Yet the YMCA seems to esteem more the words of individuals whose behavior and "attitude" do not inspire trust.
* * * * *
On a more positive note, the newer lifeguards have not been drawn into the negativity and backbiting of their immediate predecessors (the coterie of slouching slackers: Emery, perennially stricken with mutism; 19-year-old sulking, shift-the-blame-game Chris; saucy-bossy Tina.
No one said spoiled brats, did they?
You shouldn't have to be afraid of idle tongues wagging at the Y. It's a team sport for them.
http://www.yelp.com/user_details_review_search?userid=zjZOOgIRvFnGAO0QQ5FNQA&q=YMCA
The price of standing up for what one believes is often steep.
We are all agents of change, + or -, whether we intend it or not.
Bullying doesn't only happen to middle-school kids in this country. Adults may feel too much shame to report they have been victims because "it isn't supposed to happen [to adults]." If it does, it shows they are "weak" or "defective." "I'm not a tattle-tale." "I'll get blamed." "No one will do anything."
* http://www.nytimes.com/2…
EXAMPLE
After 12 years of being a member I am seriously considering cancelling my membership. The downtown YMCA has been hemorrhaging members for some time.
One reason is that it has become increasingly dysfunctional. I heard that no one gets fired here for any reason. Well, maybe setting fire to the building.
Take another example: the swimming pool. You have to spend as much time as I do there every week (8 hours for the past two years) to discover this.
In the past three years I have witnessed misconduct wherein a few morning lifeguards scapegoat and denigrate swimmers they dislike: "He's a straggler," "She asked me to let the other swimmer know if they could split the lane" or "Don't listen to him, he's a weirdo."
It's a pass-time, literally, for them. And the Y does not rein it in. Who knows how many members have experiences like mine but do not speak out.
As one who has been the object of attacks at the Y*, I can attest to the unremitting rudeness, indolence, condescension, and malice of these persons who have an overweening sense of entitlement in inverse proportion to their age.
(Me): "What do you think of the morning lifeguards?" (Another regular swimmer): "Not very much. They're not helpful...it's too bad. They set the tone."
* * * * *
One recent experience was a concrete example. I had become used to a few lifeguards being rude to the point of insulting my personal hygiene. But nothing prepared for one playing with the truth about what he allegedly observed.
A member whom I can only describe as a super-creep ("The Hulk") and with whom I had never exchanged words bawled me out several months ago because I had accidentally kicked him.
He stopped in the middle of his lane and roared over and over again "DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME?? YOU KICKED ME!!!" to which I responded, "I'm really sorry" or "I'll try not to do it again." This happened at least half a dozen times. I finally gave up, "We're not getting anywhere. I've said 'I'm sorry'" and began to swim again.
Since that time, this member (no pun intended) has accosted me a dozen times. I have scrupulously avoided glancing in his direction. What ever happened to the right to free association? After the ninth time loudly "greeting" me, he was forcing himself on me.
It reminded me of the rapist who tells the woman, "Well, you've gonna have to beam at me when you see me like we're old friends. It did not happen." If she tells him "Leave me alone," she's really "gonna get it."
Just today at the YMCA pool we were there in adjacent lanes for an hour. I barely grazed him once and later lightly touched him, to which his response was to kick me.
Ten minutes later, the lifeguard--a guy whom I had complained was telling swimmers to leave the pool 10 minutes before the lap session was actually over--informed me that I had to change my swim-stroke because I was hitting other swimmers.
I tried to tell the lifeguard "He kicked me" and ask "Did you witness this?" "How many times?" But he cut me off with a "No" and walked away. This is a person you have difficulty believing. It was tit-for-tat, with his tat being invented.
But I guess it's nice to join in the fray and give someone relatively vulnerable a big kick when it suits you.
It is discouraging, too, when the senior lifeguard does so as well. The Y badly needs a fair-minded head lifeguard, one who looks for solutions instead of throwing the book at others ("that fixes things"); one whose preconceived ideas of persons and events does not impair his judgment ("Saying 'hello' is not harassment").
Staff come and go, members like myself are here for years. Yet the YMCA seems to esteem more the words of individuals whose behavior and "attitude" do not inspire trust.
* * * * *
On a more positive note, the newer lifeguards have not been drawn into the negativity and backbiting of their immediate predecessors (the coterie of slouching slackers: Emery, perennially stricken with mutism; 19-year-old sulking, shift-the-blame-game Chris; saucy-bossy Tina.
No one said spoiled brats, did they?
You shouldn't have to be afraid of idle tongues wagging at the Y. It's a team sport for them.
http://www.yelp.com/user_details_review_search?userid=zjZOOgIRvFnGAO0QQ5FNQA&q=YMCA
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