Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Monday, November 26, 2012

Why human beings are NOT superior to animals

Human beings are NOT superior to animals; they just think they are.

Homo sapiens may be more powerful--in terms of $$$ and weapons (bombs, guns, warships, chemical and biological weapons) and intelligent (IQ), but I don't see how that constitutes an argument for their moral superiority.

Cats have superior eyesight, hearing, sense of smell...and, on the average, they individually only weigh about 1/14 of an adult human being.  And, aesthetically, they are more pleasing.

Their ancestors may have been on this planet as long as ours or longer.  They have been able to survive under the most difficult conditions.

We live far longer, of course, than felines do, which probably is not advantageous for our planet.

That constitutes superiority, to me.


Does bullying happen to adults as well as children?

My answer:

It's not as if childhood bullies disappear (or "shape up") upon reaching adulthood.  Juvenile bullies become adults who bully adults. Trying to "forget" or to "minimize" humiliating treatment only makes the pain burrow deeper into one's soul.

An online review of the downtown YMCA in Seattle:









(1)   Dedicated to the Matthew Shepherds, Bradley Mannings, Danny Chens*,and all the other Ugly Ducklings of this world.

The price of standing up for what one believes is often pretty steep.

Bullying doesn't only happen to kids in this country.  Adults may feel too much shame to acknowledge or report that they have been victims of bullying because "it simply isn't supposed to happen to adults," and if it does, then it shows they are "weak" or "defective."  The pain only grows, though.



 * From THE NEW YORK TIMES:   in October 2011 
an Army private named Danny Chen apparently angered his fellow soldiers by forgetting to turn off the water heater after taking a shower at his outpost in Afghanistan.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/22/us/8-charged-in-death-of-fellow-soldier-us-army-says.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0


(2)  MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

After 12 years of being a member here I am seriously considering cancelling my membership.   The downtown YMCA has been hemorrhaging members for some time.

It has become dysfunctional--and nowhere is that more apparent than at the swimming pool.  You have to spend as much time as I do there every week (8 hours for the past two years) to realize this.

In the past three years I have witnessed misconduct wherein a few morning lifeguards scapegoat and denigrate swimmers that they dislike:  "He's a straggler," "She asked me TWICE if I would let the other swimmer know if they could just split the lane," or "he's weird."   

It's a bully's sport for them.  And the Y does not rein it in.  Who knows how many members have experiences like mine but do speak out.  

As one who has been the object of attacks at the Y*, I can attest to the unremitting rudeness, condescension, and lack of concern for anything resembling the truth on the part of this mostly young, immature, and not terribly motivated (beyond self-interest, that is) group.  

It is one thing when equipment malfunctions--the chemical imbalances in the water seem to be blamed on the maintenance department, it is another when lifeguards don't even bother showing up.

* Six years ago I was within a two-month period savagely attacked verbally five times, all by members of one racial group.  I didn't bother reporting these incidents, thinking "it would be too politically incorrect...and I would get blamed instead."

* * * * *

And one recent experience was a concrete example.  I had become used to lifeguards being rude to the point of even insulting my personal hygiene.  But nothing had prepared for the a lifeguard actually lying about something he allegedly observed.

A member whom I can only be persuaded is, at best, a super-creep ("The Hulk") bawled me out several months ago because I had accidentally kicked him.

He stopped in the middle of his lane and roared over and over again "DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME??  YOU KICKED ME!!!" to which I responded each time, "I'm really sorry" or "I'll try not to do it again."   This happened at least half a dozen times.  I finally gave up and stated, "We're not getting anywhere.  I've said 'I'm sorry.'" and began to swim again.

Since that time, this member (no pun intended) has accosted me about 12-15 times, acting as if we were best friends.  I have scrupulously avoided speaking to him.  But after about the sixth time he came onto me, it felt like harassment:  he was insisting that I be "friends" rather than accepting a simple "no way."

Rather like the rapist who tells the woman, "Well, you've gonna have to beam at me when you see me like we're old friends."  And if she says "Bug off," she's really in trouble.

Just today  at the YMCA pool we were there in adjacent lanes for an hour.   I barely grazed him once and then lightly swiped him another time, to which his quick response was to kick me.  

Ten minutes later, the lifeguard--a guy whom I had complained was telling swimmers to leave the pool 10 minutes before the lap session was actually "up"--informed me that I had to change my swim-stroke because I was hitting other swimmers.

I tried to tell the lifeguard "But he kicked me!" and ask "Did you witness this?"  "How many times?"  But he cut me off with a "No."  This is a person you have great difficulty believing.  It was tit-for-tat, with his tat being a collusion of sorts.

But I guess it's nice to join in the fray and give someone relatively vulnerable a big kick when it suits ya'.

* * * * *

The lifeguards come and go,  members like myself are here for years.  Yet the YMCA seems to esteem more the words of individuals whose work attitude do not warrant the trust that the Y has  placed in them.

Advice:  The staff get to know the names of many members.  I would keep my distance.

* * * * *

On a more pleasant note, the downtown YMCA is fortunate to have Bergen Beck working for it:  She is fair, open-minded, compassionate, and hard-working.  Likewise, the newest lifeguards, Abby, Kelsey, Carl, and Garrett have fortunately not been drawn into the negativity and backbiting of their immediate predecessors (the coterie of of Emery, perennially come down with mutism, 19-year-old shift-the-blame-game, Chris...).

The Y is only as good as the people who work for it.

You shouldn't have to be afraid of idle tongues wagging at the Y.  Which is a team sport for some.


(3)  On Danny Chen:
http://nymag.com/news/features/danny-chen-2012-1/index1.html

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The religion of the 2010's

The religion of the 2010's, in the hip young generation:   Sex, booze, I-pods, and violence.

In a previous generation, the '60's there was:   Non-conformity, rebellion, peace and a little more love were part of the lingo.

Jane Fonda at 80, any day, over Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce at any age for courage, talent, and inner beauty.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Within the Confines of the University: Healing from emotional trauma inflicted by the doctor






The final art history examination:

Art and Belief






The famous "Scream" of Edward Munch portrays the person who has HEARD the scream, not the person who screamed.  In the painting we the viewers hear it, too, and also see the effect it has on the hearer, whose eyes express pure shock, terror; mouth pain; and hands covering his ears as well as clasping his head as if to say that "I can't get believe my ears.  I can't get over this."

And sky, land, and water swirl in response.too.  The scream has set in motion, like waves, the entire lurid landscape.



History:  A history:  The truth will out:  Even 20 years after the facts,

People will often speak of sexual misconduct in academia but rarely about psychological abuse by professors.

So I think the time has come...I and will come out of the closet.

I was emotionally and verbally abused by a professor in graduate school at the University of Kansas, a certain Marsha Haufler, who flew in a rage and screamed in my face for a full 5-6 minutes--and she was strawberry red in the face.   Apparently what set her off was a remark to a faculty member in which I stated that I "found her as hard as nails.  But very knowledgeable."

At the time I went to the university counseling center and was given medication.  I told several faculty members about what had happened and about my distress and anxiety.  None of them suggested making an appointment to see someone in the administration of the Graduate School.  They all seemed to take the experience entirely "normal."  

I felt badly "damaged" in the days and weeks and months after this experience.

In fact,  still get nightmares in which I try to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be screamed at, docile, silently, dumbly enduring the red-hot tongue lashing.

The exact things that she said, and the manner in which she said them, are too painful still for me to want to try to recollect in detail.  I believe that physical beatings and verbal abuse are in essence the same thing, just different in form.

At the time and for the next decade I never told anyone in the university administration what had happened to me. I feared that Professor Haufler (Weidner) would put roadblocks in my career path. As it turned out, she prevailed upon the other professors in the department to have me "banished" from the department and not allowed to take any further coursework.

All that was said to me by other faculty members in the department was simply, "Well, what are you going to do next?"

I was so shaken by the experience anyway that in the remaining six weeks of the semester I prepared to transfer out to practically any institution that would accept me, stupidly taking the M.A./Ph.D. qualifying examination--thus stepping into a piege. I could barely breathe in the hallways or in the classroom.

Alas, in those days we did not have cellphones or digital recorders.

Somehow the scar has slowly healed. I don't know how. But if academia teaches its future professorship that it is O.K. to accept being abused as part of the price of joining its ranks, then the tradition continues from generation to generation.

People like Ms. Haufler are not nice people, to put it mildly. They don't know what they have to done to others, and, frankly, they don't care. They are, in a word, ruthless.

As a classmate corroborated, she grades examinations subjectively:  grading harder those she dislikes, and easier those who "get along with her."   One classmate of mine came to this conclusion after we went over sentence by sentence Marsha's grading of three students's (including my own) examinations.

The memory of Marsha's "pet" student" trembling his eyes darting back and forth between her face and his as he tried to ascertain her reaction to his seminar presentation, his voice fluttering in weird sinusoidal ups-and-downs of pitch and intonation, is an indelible one. Was this a heart-felt hommage to pedagogical respect?

In dealing with others less powerful, she adhered to a strict Stalinist line:  "Do What I Say Or Else [the Gulag...]."   Twenty years I can state unequivocally that Haufler was, by far and away, the most amoral, meanest person I met in academia (or elsewhere, for that matter).



Michelangelo Merisi (Caravaggio), 1597.  Oil on leather shield.  Uffizi "Gallery. 

Méduse symboliserait « la perversion de la pulsion spirituelle » qu'est « la stagnation vaniteuse » et sa chevelure de serpents manifesterait « le tourment de la culpabilité refoulée ». La quête de Persée est universelle en tant qu'elle consiste pour tout homme à affronter sa propre vérité intérieure en reconnaissant sa vanité coupable et refoulée : « Méduse symbolise l'image déformée de soi […] La pétrification par l'horreur (par la tête de Méduse, miroir déformant) est due à l'incapacité de supporter objectivement la vérité à l'égard de soi-même. Une seule attitude, une seule arme, peut protéger contre Méduse : ne pas la regarder afin de ne pas être pétrifié d'horreur, mais capter son image dans le miroir de vérité.





Why is it that total failures as human beings can succeed in academia?





* * * * *




Unfortunately, there are others like her in academia, unfortunately.  Tyranny in the Ivory Tower: You bet.  

Academia, in the humanities, does not necessarily produce better people.  Not in my experience.

My second-grade teacher who wrote the "[I] always tries his best" had a more profound influence on my education than Ms. Haufler, who, from hindsight, was definitely the worst teacher I have ever had, being the worst role model for a human being than I can scarcely conceive of.

But she did teach me these things:  the inverse correlation between instilling fear (as well as inflicting mental pain as "punishment") and learning, the difference between appearance and subtler states of reality.  But she did not kill my love of learning or my natural curiosity.

This may have been said before, but I doubt that this gets much discussion in the pages of the Chronicle of Higher Education or in faculty committees of the Graduate Schools of Arts and Sciences.

It may indeed be much easier to maintain academic integrity than personal integrity.  But Marsha Haufler obviously sacrificed one for the other, although I cannot even guess at how many other individuals on whom she has inflicted pain and terror.

(My definition of integrity:  You leave people whose paths you cross in better shape, not worse, than before your paths crossed). 

And, Ms. Haufler, you cannot now cause me any more pain than you already have.

If I had to go through this again, I would never have crawled on all fours and allowed you to tear into me and beat me up, psychologically.  No sentient being deserves this treatment.  I do not do this to my two cats, no matter how annoyed I might become at their behavior.

I don't believe a teacher should beat up her students, for whatever reason.


* * * * *

Don't let it happen to you.

Bring a recorder with you when you visit someone like her.

Protect the ones you love, and yourself, too.

And speak up, if it happens to you!  Don't be silent, speak, whatever the price.

Because the damage will be greater if you don't.







Listen.

See.   

Speak.



* * * * *


The Queen of Bullies


"Je suis petit mais je ne suis bas."    
Stendhal, Le Rouge et le Noir





Caravaggio, St. John the Baptist.   Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art



Buddha Preaching the First Sermon or The Turning of the Wheel. in Dharma-charkra-pravertana mudra (turning the wheel of law,) Archaeological Museum in Sarnath, India.  Fifth century C.E. (475).