Many women, and some men, have a habit of "saying, it's all fine," as a way of repressing their feelings, when they are actually angry.
I do this immediately after someone acts aggressively towards me. My defense is to shut down and fold in on myself like a sea urchin. But I am too slow to not absorb the kicks and stings of a predator.
For example, I was recently abused by a lifeguard, the same one who had defended the actions of "The Hulk" (see my previous review):
Me: "Thank you for intervening to prevent a collision. At the same time I did feel disrespected by what you said to me and how you said it."
He: (without a second's delay, jumping on me--angrily, demanding,contemptuously, loudly--ordering): "TELL ME WHAT I SAID."
It was very similar to the aggressive tone of voice a socioeconomically disadvantaged mother on a Metro bus telling her child: "WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU TO DO?? SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
Alternatively, it was like being commanded at knife-point to tell the assailant your bank PIN number. No way of saying, "No, I'm not going to. Don't you remember yourself? Since you said it, why do you need to ask me?"
It was characteristic of his scorched-earth approach except exponentially worse.
It took me a long weekend to reflect and for me to admit how angry I was at the red-hot-tongue lashing I received for expressing my opinion in a non-blaming, calm manner (I had been listening to Thich Nhat-Hahn's "Teachings on Love" all weekend before gently confronting this man).
But we all benefit from open, honest communication. I am sad and disappointed that the YMCA seems is unable to sanction those who blow their stack at others.
* * * * *
The bully and the bullied of childhood meet in adulthood. The bullied person is the mirror reflection of the bully, and the bully cannot stand to see himself in the mirror.
The bullied is the invitation to a dance.
http://lilliansblog-d.bl…
As Pema Chodron would state, there is a lot of karmic debt to be paid.
.
* * * * *
I am worried that this YMCA is going to go under, so I'm writing this update in hopes that I can "sound the alarm."
Frequent wild swings in policy? A closeted loose cannon? Changing demographics which favors those from "disadvantaged backgrounds" including the mentally ill, as well as the socially maladjusted ("might is right")? Young, inexperienced, bored staff (for instance, a year ago, I routinely witnessed lifeguards casually take turns cruelly putting members down)?
Frustrated front-desk staff that have to deal with rudeness much of the time? Lack of staff discipline and/or meaningful training? Recurrent spates of thefts? Internecine conflicts? Out-of-touch administrators, who, in order to resolve a problem, suggest members find another gym? Who allow staff with anger management issues to continue to work at the Y?
Or young employees who show not one whit of gratitude for the gainful employment they have been given and who should have been, by all rights, kicked in the seat of their pants and sent flying out through the front door of the Y.
They may text, twitter, and yelp, but tell the truth? methinks not.
* * * * *
Or the Y could simply go under the sheer weight of all the bath towels being used, washed, dried, folded, and stacked.
* * * * *
The Y proclaims it is about "family values," which is great. It is not just a gym, a place to exercise. It is, or should be, a place where we evolve by learning to better listen to, support, and encourage others.
Buzzwords such as "affirmation" are empty unless they are actually put into practice.
In any case, I salute the volunteers who uncomplainingly make such a positive contribution to all of us who use the Y. Also, every act of kindness and generosity from the community is hereby acknowledged with gratitude.
* * * * *
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Lk 23:34).
At the same time, this is my YMCA as much as it is anyone's.
I do this immediately after someone acts aggressively towards me. My defense is to shut down and fold in on myself like a sea urchin. But I am too slow to not absorb the kicks and stings of a predator.
For example, I was recently abused by a lifeguard, the same one who had defended the actions of "The Hulk" (see my previous review):
Me: "Thank you for intervening to prevent a collision. At the same time I did feel disrespected by what you said to me and how you said it."
He: (without a second's delay, jumping on me--angrily, demanding,contemptuously, loudly--ordering): "TELL ME WHAT I SAID."
It was very similar to the aggressive tone of voice a socioeconomically disadvantaged mother on a Metro bus telling her child: "WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU TO DO?? SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
Alternatively, it was like being commanded at knife-point to tell the assailant your bank PIN number. No way of saying, "No, I'm not going to. Don't you remember yourself? Since you said it, why do you need to ask me?"
It was characteristic of his scorched-earth approach except exponentially worse.
It took me a long weekend to reflect and for me to admit how angry I was at the red-hot-tongue lashing I received for expressing my opinion in a non-blaming, calm manner (I had been listening to Thich Nhat-Hahn's "Teachings on Love" all weekend before gently confronting this man).
But we all benefit from open, honest communication. I am sad and disappointed that the YMCA seems is unable to sanction those who blow their stack at others.
* * * * *
The bully and the bullied of childhood meet in adulthood. The bullied person is the mirror reflection of the bully, and the bully cannot stand to see himself in the mirror.
The bullied is the invitation to a dance.
http://lilliansblog-d.bl…
As Pema Chodron would state, there is a lot of karmic debt to be paid.
.
* * * * *
I am worried that this YMCA is going to go under, so I'm writing this update in hopes that I can "sound the alarm."
Frequent wild swings in policy? A closeted loose cannon? Changing demographics which favors those from "disadvantaged backgrounds" including the mentally ill, as well as the socially maladjusted ("might is right")? Young, inexperienced, bored staff (for instance, a year ago, I routinely witnessed lifeguards casually take turns cruelly putting members down)?
Frustrated front-desk staff that have to deal with rudeness much of the time? Lack of staff discipline and/or meaningful training? Recurrent spates of thefts? Internecine conflicts? Out-of-touch administrators, who, in order to resolve a problem, suggest members find another gym? Who allow staff with anger management issues to continue to work at the Y?
Or young employees who show not one whit of gratitude for the gainful employment they have been given and who should have been, by all rights, kicked in the seat of their pants and sent flying out through the front door of the Y.
They may text, twitter, and yelp, but tell the truth? methinks not.
* * * * *
Or the Y could simply go under the sheer weight of all the bath towels being used, washed, dried, folded, and stacked.
* * * * *
The Y proclaims it is about "family values," which is great. It is not just a gym, a place to exercise. It is, or should be, a place where we evolve by learning to better listen to, support, and encourage others.
Buzzwords such as "affirmation" are empty unless they are actually put into practice.
In any case, I salute the volunteers who uncomplainingly make such a positive contribution to all of us who use the Y. Also, every act of kindness and generosity from the community is hereby acknowledged with gratitude.
* * * * *
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Lk 23:34).
At the same time, this is my YMCA as much as it is anyone's.
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