Why Abu Ghraib matters

The media focus on the tortures enacted at Abu Ghraib by American soldiers in the media focused on the soldiers charged with the crimes, namely Lindy English and several others, low rank, whose names I do not recall.

This was all to the liking of the U.S. Defense Department precisely because no one higher up, including the Secretary of Defense or even the President could be charged with having given implicit consent for such crimes (even though George W. Bush went public and explained the necessity for torture in the "War Against Terror").

As an American, I cannot and will not believe that such actions were the isolated actions of "a few bad apples."  

It's got to be a much larger bag.

The reason I believe this is from my on personal experience growing up and being frequently subjected to taunts and bullying.  I did not go to an inner-city school, at least not in elementary school.  I did not live in the inner city, either.  The bullies were from middle-class families.

Bullying is modus operandi and modus vivendi in American life, and most certainly in the U.S. Army.   That said, it also is probably fact of life in most countries around the world.  Subjecting others to insults, rage, threats, and coercion may supposedly toughen up individuals, but I think the price paid may be enormous, as the omnipresent violence in American life and the rather disgusting open delight/pleasure/interest in guns, violent films, games, violent news stories more than suggests.

Granted Abu Ghraib is an extreme case, but I do see essential continuity between the "pranks" of children "played on" other children, the bullying of weaker children...hazing at fraternities, the patterns of domination and control that are part of military life, and mistreatment of prisoners with its paroxysms of sadism exemplified by Abu Ghraib.

It was not just Lindy English.  The chain of command stopped at her only because the U.S. military made it stop there.  She was a scapegoat for a system of violence in the guise of national security.

And unspeakable cruelty towards prisoners of wars does not make America safer, in my opinion.

And when gunfire erupts in our schools and our streets, we scratch our heads, look puzzled, and ask: "How could this have happened?"

When we individually and start telling the truth, as a society, nation, and an entire planet, we may get to the bottom of...

Bullying: The consequences on not just the child but on the adult (who was that child)

For those of us who were bullied as children, adolescents, and as adults, the question is why we continue to act as if today were yesterday:  A limp, terrified bag of flesh in the jaws of a huge, ravenous beast.

An old engraving of "Daniel in the den of the lions" terrified me as a child.   I could not look at it, even though I could not get it out of my mind.

The thought of saying to the person bullying us, calmly, "Give me some respect" never occurs to them.  And if it did, they would imagine that saying this to the bully would make the bully angry and hurt the adult.

Alternatively, (calmly)"Don't talk to me in that tone of voice."

(calmly) "I cannot and will not talk to you when you disrespect me."

(calmly) "I cannot and will not talk to you when you are angry."

You have the right to not stick around when someone else is attacking you, especially if you cannot fend for yourself.   In fact, you shouldn't have to defend yourself.  Leave the premises (assuming the other person is not bigger than you and will not chase after you) so as not to be attacked at all.

But this assumes one recognizes when one is being attacked, and for those who were abused or bullied as children, being screamed at may somehow seem "normal."   It is not.

One is not engaged in a televised debate (where there are rules of conduct, just the same).  One can refuse to talk to another person who is raging at you and treating you with contempt and ordering you around.

Again, because adults from a dysfunctional childhood (family/school/neighborhood/etc.) tend to freeze like deer caught in the headlights they revert to being cowering, mute(d) victims.   Overpowered by people who are meaner or more powerful (at least imagined to be), they try to defend themselves (weakly) when all the time they are submitting to a form of punishment meted out by other people who enjoy lashing out at others due to their own personal hang-ups.

No one ever told me how to stand up to a bully.  Here I am referring not to someone who is actually physically threatening another person but instead is using psychological means to make another person afraid and bend to the will of that other person.

(I am not referring to people who will actually use a baseball bat, knife, etc. or deliver a sucker-punch if you resist doing exactly what they wish).

* * * * *

I have a hunch that "People who were bullied as children are people who are bullied now as adults."  The bullying does not stop just because the bullied child has grown up.

But very few people will admit to this.

I wish those entrusted with safeguarding the psychological well-being of others, e.g., social workers would read this.

* * * * *

The ironic thing about what happened to me Monday morning at the downtown YMCA is that after thanking the lifeguard who on Friday had intervened to prevent a collision but qualifying that thanks by adding that I had felt "disrespected by what he said and the way he said it," the lifeguard then began to rage ("shock-and-awe") at me.

"WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU??"

It was as if I were on a Metro bus watching a mother, almost always from a disadvantaged socio-economic/educational background, were screaming at her little kid, "Hey,  WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?  You SHUT UP, You heard me?"

I felt exactly like the person below:

Then he angrily berated me for another 5-7 minutes, reiterating "WHAT DID I SAY TO YOU" in the same tone of voice.  Yeah, he had me feeling my knees weaken underneath me.

This behavior dissipated whatever lingering doubts I had that the lifeguard on Friday had indeed shouted in an angry, blaming, disrespectful manner at both me and the other swimmer in the lane (who had not told me that she wanted to split the lane instead of continuing to swim in a circle).

What was even more disturbing is that in this form of bullying, the power of the bully rests as well in saying without words to the bullied, "And if you cry, if you tell anyone, if you complain, then I'm really gonna kick your ass.  You gotta take it, man, 'cause, you know, you don gotta choice."  And it's got to be backed up by action.  Bullies don't think about what the next step to take is if the bullied "squeals."  Hit him harder.

Every boy and man in America knows this.

Bullies don't listen, they react.  Even if they know bullying is wrong, they get easily trapped in their anger.

Or they choose it (anger)--it's a way of getting things ("the job") done: 

Strike first and with overwhelming force so as cause panic and disorder in the other camp.  Then continue hitting hard.  Leave either when you run out of ammunition or when you feel the job is more than half done.

That's how we get the job done.  

And that's what the military teaches soldiers.

Is there another model for being a man?

Is there another model for our communities?

Most American films revolve around physical violence.  The blind celebration of black American culture is testimony to that--we take it hook, line, and sinker, without examining or discriminating what within it is healthy and what in it is diseased.  (We won't take a look at the color of the skin of the perpetrator except when s/he is white).

We worship violence and pretend we don't.  What hypocrites we are.


* * * * *

What is interesting for me to state now is that the bully and the bullied of childhood meet in adulthood.  The bullied person is the mirror reflection of the bully, and the bully cannot stand to see himself (or herself) in the mirror.

The bully needs the bullied...to express feelings long submerged in his consciousness.  To feel "alive," so to speak.  The bullied flees the bully as the hare flees the fox.  If he should stop and confront the fox, he will become engaged in a struggle in which he has little chance for survival.  That is the "end game."

Usually the end game is not played out.   Instead, there is a game of "the hunt," an occasional or frequent assertion of power through a violent action or gesture.  The scent of fear is very visceral for the bully.

The bully and the bullied meet and enact the dance for the rest of their lives.  Both are trapped, the hunter and the hunted, the hunter and the deer in the headlights.

boyfriend/battered girlfriend    schoolyard bully/puny kid    high school clique/social outcast    "shrew"/henpecked husband   university professor/graduate student    army sergeant/private

For men, the worst thing is to admit that they have been bullied because of the self-respect that is lost as a result.  Google "bully" (images) and you find cartoons, and not photos of adult men.  Why?   Because men will put up a fight to not carry inside the image of someone whose "manhood" (someone else can "overpower" you) has been "robbed."

Once bullied, one is "under the authority" of the bully, which is experienced as a loss of integrity and self:  a slave/master dynamic becomes established, or at very least, a power hierarchy.  

# # # # #

At the core of every bully and every bullying behavior is someone who is bullied and who was taught by someone else to behave this way.

And in a society which espouses equality in name but where power is celebrated and power relations the dominant dance, bullying thrives.

See Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware.

The deer in the headlights

A recent event that occurred at the YMCA makes me wonder and even hypothesize about how the past influences and lives in the present, or I should say, my present weeks, days, and moments.

                                                        I am the deer in the headlights

...frozen in sheer fear, making feeble attempts to defend itself, unable to run.  The deer just stays there to witness the attack of a predator who knows too well who his prey is and how, on an elemental level, the mind of his prey works.

                            Foolish indeed the deer is, foolish its belief that it is standing its ground.

My problem with liberal white guilt: The unacknowledged state of race relations in a liberal, largely non-black American city

I ride the public bus in Seattle almost every day and witness the following:  surly African-American bus drivers and the largely white riders who go out of their way to effusively thank the former, even when the former are 10-25 minutes late.  The bus drivers are usually silent but sometimes scold and yell at riders.  Male African-American bus drivers go out of their way to be gracious, helpful, and kind to African-American women of any age.  To African-American men, they are friendly ("Hey, Brother, how's it goin' today, Man?").

If these African-American bus drivers have a white supervisor, s/he is almost always trying hard not to offend  i.e., is scared of "upsetting the cart" because those drivers--his subordinates, in fact--are sure "gonna holla'" and scream "racism."

I believe the attitude best illustrates Seattle-style liberal white guilt:  White people have to work hard to "get on the good side of" black Americans.

Black men are powerful, intelligent, wise...and white people don't have a clue (about anything).  Stupid white  men.*

After what "what would a white boy (like me) know"?

Black men can be mean to white people (or Asians, Hispanics,...) but non-blacks can't be mean to black people (that would fit neatly into the Seattle liberal white definition of "racism").
I
I have personally encountered racism from African-American bus drivers who refused to answer a single question about a bus route that had just recently changed.  I repeated my question and was met with stony silence.  This from a driver who had minutes earlier helped an African-American with drug-related problems get off his bus.

Maybe I'm the only one in Seattle who sees a double standard and a hypocrisy in race relations here.

Sounds like a abdication of responsibility to me.

* If, on the other hand, you said "stupid black men," you would be accused of racism and inciting racial hate by the Urban League, local NAACP, and the hipper-than-hip guide to liberal white guilt Stranger...and risk censure by the Seattle City Council and Office of the Mayor.

No, I don't believe in the innate or moral superiority of one race over another.  Nor do I believe that we should teach our children such values.




       "What did I tell you?  We have no troubles."


* * * * *

The pattern in Seattle, and elsewhere, of hitting robbery victims with a baseball bat and threatening to shoot them with a gun--or pistol-whipping them, in other cases:

http://westseattleblog.com/2013/05/west-seattle-crime-watch-2-people-robbed-at-gunpoint-on-fauntleroy

Liberal white guilt serves an unintended purpose.

African-Americans have made important contributions to American society.  Today we have a president who is black in a country that is 88% non-black.  That in itself points to how open the U.S. has become to selecting its top leaders.

And the dominance of African-Americans in the realms of professional sports, music, and entertainment is evident to both Americans and those in other countries.

In fact, it could be said without overstatement that America's love affair with African-Americans is both broad and deep.  Young people in particular (and older people as well) love and idolize African-Americans, who have become heroes (and heroines) for them, from Obama to Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant, Mohammed Ali, Beyonce, Oprah Winfrey, Tiger Woods, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, and rappers (whose names escape me).

Not bad for a group that is only 12% of the total population of the U.S..

* * * * *

President Obama stated before his inauguration that he wished America could have a truly open discussion of race.

I'm not sure if everyone really wants that.

Nothing is black or white.  There are degrees of gray in between.

"People of color" is a term that can be used to lump various races together simply on the basis of their not being Caucasian.

So in the midst of our celebration of the achievements of black Americans and the finger-pointing at the institutions that have ostensibly and continue to be responsible for the inequalities that remain in our society, we also need to look at the flip side, the shadowy aspect that very few people, white, black, Hispanic, or Asian, will comment on, at least publicly.

I think what bothers me the most is the downplaying of violent crime statistics, whether nationally or locally (Seattle).

Secondly, I observe here frequently locally the lack of respect especially younger African-Americans (I explicitly do not include African or Caribbean immigrants here) towards other racial or ethnic groups.  The example that comes to mind is speaking loudly in public.  Consideration for others' comfort level with very loud, aggressive voices and sounds (pop music) IS not a trifling matter.

It seems, along with the general African-Americanization of mainstream American culture, that younger people of other races and backgrounds (whites, Asians...) are indeed influenced, in this aspect, by the cultural acceptance of very loud voices, laughter, shouting, even screaming in African-American culture.

So I have observed non-African-American teen-agers or college students apparently imitating their black peers--on buses, walking on the sidewalk, etc.--carrying on "conversations" while talking at the top of their voices.

Not everyone around these people enjoys--or, if they don't, can ignore--, this behavior.

Talking loudly is not only a matter of self-cultivation:  Allowing other people to carry on conversations without having to resort to shouting as well as a matter of mutual privacy.

"95% of the people around you has any interest in hearing or in being forced to hear what you are saying (on your cellphone, to the person next to you...).   No more than then they would be if (another person and) I were having  a conversation.  In fact they may be, frankly, irritated."

"Spare us, if you can, your gems of wit...insight...opinions on the state of affairs of the world..." (I realize modesty is not part of the vocabulary of most Americans in the 21st century).

It is a form of disrespect for others and verbal (= psychological) aggression.

It is also a form of either intentional or inadvertent attention-getting and at that, extremely rude.

Why do American women in their 20's and 30's...and beyond?

Why do so many American women today (20's and 30's and very possibly beyond) mistake being arch, shrill, brittle, hard-as-nails, coarse, artificial, and loud--in public displays of throwing their heads back and wildly screaming-laughing while walking in their stiletto-like high-heels--with sophistication, intelligence, and charm?

There is no mystery:  these women take no prisoners.  In restaurants, bars, department stores, on buses, in airports, on the sidewalk, in the lobbies of office towers, you can't escape them.  You can't escape their high-pitched squeals, cackles, laughter, and screams. It's like, "Look how much fun we're having!"

Yes, it's like,we get the point.  We can't avoid having to notice you.  If you don't exactly turn heads, you do bring the temperature up, as in, it's like, sows in heat.

The chirpy catty stringing of gossip that passes for conversation among so many women today:  women are still prisoners of a belief that their external appearance, i.e., how attractive they are to men, is the ultimate test of their worth as human beings.

I think everything has its limits, and American women have taken "brash" to its upper limits.  Or I should say, they already did so 20 years ago when Madonna did her shtick, exposing herself a poil in photographs and effectively "letting everything hang out" in performance.

Let's not even bring up gay men here, who have taken direct inspiration here...

"Le temps de Grace Kelly et d'Audrey Hepburn [celle-la n'etait en fait pas americaine] est bien revolu."

"Mary Martin (y a quelqu'un qui sait qui elle est?), du moins, avait du talent et du charme de son etat natal de Texas des annees 40s."

Honey-voiced, sassy, Texas-born, 100% American, but never loud and vulgar.