On Being "Open-minded"

Not always easy if one has been traumatized by that particular group of people.

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I was recently admonished recently by a YMCA staff member, who has a knack for being patronizing and making others feel "small" or defective.  I was told I should be open-minded.  The reference was to speaking of whom people I have a fear.  The implication was also that earlier "unpleasant" experiences with these people was due to my having provoked their ire by being unfriendly or discourteous to them,

Afterwards,I thought a while about what she had said.

And I thought to myself, "Yes, it is good to be open to all kinds of experiences and to all kinds of people," and yet it takes commitment and courage to be open to some (groups of) people."

And here I will be fearless and say that I, a racial/cultural minority, have a deep fear and mistrust of African-Americans, based partially upon my experiences as a teenager of having been repeatedly kicked, knocked down, shoved, pummeled, and slapped by young African-Americans at Meany Middle School and outside of Garfield High School, both in the Central Area.

Re-traumatization occurred again as an adult at the downtown YMCA.  At that point in my life I was too scared to report more than one of these incidents to the YMCA.  I assumed that the YMCA would do nothing and that the reporting incidents might, in fact, put me in harm's way and at risk for retaliation; or that the YMCA would blame me for somehow having "provoked" the incidents.  (Yes, it's easier to blame the victim sometimes than to side with him/her against the perpetrator).

A staff member who witnessed one of the verbal assaults tearfully told me that she just could not understand why the man had acted the way he had.  She seemed to be as in incredulous pain as I.

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I build higher walls against certain (groups of) people who exhibit patterns of behavior that I consider destructive and/or unhealthy.  At the same time, I see a need to see people as individuals.

Women who have been raped, presumably by men, will have a greater distrust of men than women who have not.  Is their being "less open" to men irrational or wrong?

A tricky balance.