My answer:
It's not as if childhood bullies disappear (or "shape up") upon reaching adulthood. Juvenile bullies become adults who bully adults. Trying to "forget" or to "minimize" humiliating treatment only makes the pain burrow deeper into one's soul.
An online review of the downtown YMCA in Seattle:
(1) Dedicated to the Matthew Shepherds, Bradley Mannings, Danny Chens*,and all the other Ugly Ducklings of this world.
The price of standing up for what one believes is often pretty steep.
Bullying doesn't only happen to kids in this country. Adults may feel too much shame to acknowledge or report that they have been victims of bullying because "it simply isn't supposed to happen to adults," and if it does, then it shows they are "weak" or "defective." The pain only grows, though.
* From THE NEW YORK TIMES: in October 2011 an Army private named Danny Chen apparently angered his fellow soldiers by forgetting to turn off the water heater after taking a shower at his outpost in Afghanistan.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/22/us/8-charged-in-death-of-fellow-soldier-us-army-says.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
(2) MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
After 12 years of being a member here I am seriously considering cancelling my membership. The downtown YMCA has been hemorrhaging members for some time.
It has become dysfunctional--and nowhere is that more apparent than at the swimming pool. You have to spend as much time as I do there every week (8 hours for the past two years) to realize this.
In the past three years I have witnessed misconduct wherein a few morning lifeguards scapegoat and denigrate swimmers that they dislike: "He's a straggler," "She asked me TWICE if I would let the other swimmer know if they could just split the lane," or "he's weird."
It's a bully's sport for them. And the Y does not rein it in. Who knows how many members have experiences like mine but do speak out.
As one who has been the object of attacks at the Y*, I can attest to the unremitting rudeness, condescension, and lack of concern for anything resembling the truth on the part of this mostly young, immature, and not terribly motivated (beyond self-interest, that is) group.
It is one thing when equipment malfunctions--the chemical imbalances in the water seem to be blamed on the maintenance department, it is another when lifeguards don't even bother showing up.
* Six years ago I was within a two-month period savagely attacked verbally five times, all by members of one racial group. I didn't bother reporting these incidents, thinking "it would be too politically incorrect...and I would get blamed instead."
* * * * *
And one recent experience was a concrete example. I had become used to lifeguards being rude to the point of even insulting my personal hygiene. But nothing had prepared for the a lifeguard actually lying about something he allegedly observed.
A member whom I can only be persuaded is, at best, a super-creep ("The Hulk") bawled me out several months ago because I had accidentally kicked him.
He stopped in the middle of his lane and roared over and over again "DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME?? YOU KICKED ME!!!" to which I responded each time, "I'm really sorry" or "I'll try not to do it again." This happened at least half a dozen times. I finally gave up and stated, "We're not getting anywhere. I've said 'I'm sorry.'" and began to swim again.
Since that time, this member (no pun intended) has accosted me about 12-15 times, acting as if we were best friends. I have scrupulously avoided speaking to him. But after about the sixth time he came onto me, it felt like harassment: he was insisting that I be "friends" rather than accepting a simple "no way."
Rather like the rapist who tells the woman, "Well, you've gonna have to beam at me when you see me like we're old friends." And if she says "Bug off," she's really in trouble.
Just today at the YMCA pool we were there in adjacent lanes for an hour. I barely grazed him once and then lightly swiped him another time, to which his quick response was to kick me.
Ten minutes later, the lifeguard--a guy whom I had complained was telling swimmers to leave the pool 10 minutes before the lap session was actually "up"--informed me that I had to change my swim-stroke because I was hitting other swimmers.
I tried to tell the lifeguard "But he kicked me!" and ask "Did you witness this?" "How many times?" But he cut me off with a "No." This is a person you have great difficulty believing. It was tit-for-tat, with his tat being a collusion of sorts.
But I guess it's nice to join in the fray and give someone relatively vulnerable a big kick when it suits ya'.
* * * * *
The lifeguards come and go, members like myself are here for years. Yet the YMCA seems to esteem more the words of individuals whose work attitude do not warrant the trust that the Y has placed in them.
Advice: The staff get to know the names of many members. I would keep my distance.
* * * * *
On a more pleasant note, the downtown YMCA is fortunate to have Bergen Beck working for it: She is fair, open-minded, compassionate, and hard-working. Likewise, the newest lifeguards, Abby, Kelsey, Carl, and Garrett have fortunately not been drawn into the negativity and backbiting of their immediate predecessors (the coterie of of Emery, perennially come down with mutism, 19-year-old shift-the-blame-game, Chris...).
The Y is only as good as the people who work for it.
You shouldn't have to be afraid of idle tongues wagging at the Y. Which is a team sport for some.
(3) On Danny Chen:
http://nymag.com/news/features/danny-chen-2012-1/index1.html
It's not as if childhood bullies disappear (or "shape up") upon reaching adulthood. Juvenile bullies become adults who bully adults. Trying to "forget" or to "minimize" humiliating treatment only makes the pain burrow deeper into one's soul.
An online review of the downtown YMCA in Seattle:
(1) Dedicated to the Matthew Shepherds, Bradley Mannings, Danny Chens*,and all the other Ugly Ducklings of this world.
The price of standing up for what one believes is often pretty steep.
Bullying doesn't only happen to kids in this country. Adults may feel too much shame to acknowledge or report that they have been victims of bullying because "it simply isn't supposed to happen to adults," and if it does, then it shows they are "weak" or "defective." The pain only grows, though.
* From THE NEW YORK TIMES: in October 2011 an Army private named Danny Chen apparently angered his fellow soldiers by forgetting to turn off the water heater after taking a shower at his outpost in Afghanistan.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/22/us/8-charged-in-death-of-fellow-soldier-us-army-says.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
(2) MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
After 12 years of being a member here I am seriously considering cancelling my membership. The downtown YMCA has been hemorrhaging members for some time.
It has become dysfunctional--and nowhere is that more apparent than at the swimming pool. You have to spend as much time as I do there every week (8 hours for the past two years) to realize this.
In the past three years I have witnessed misconduct wherein a few morning lifeguards scapegoat and denigrate swimmers that they dislike: "He's a straggler," "She asked me TWICE if I would let the other swimmer know if they could just split the lane," or "he's weird."
It's a bully's sport for them. And the Y does not rein it in. Who knows how many members have experiences like mine but do speak out.
As one who has been the object of attacks at the Y*, I can attest to the unremitting rudeness, condescension, and lack of concern for anything resembling the truth on the part of this mostly young, immature, and not terribly motivated (beyond self-interest, that is) group.
It is one thing when equipment malfunctions--the chemical imbalances in the water seem to be blamed on the maintenance department, it is another when lifeguards don't even bother showing up.
* Six years ago I was within a two-month period savagely attacked verbally five times, all by members of one racial group. I didn't bother reporting these incidents, thinking "it would be too politically incorrect...and I would get blamed instead."
* * * * *
And one recent experience was a concrete example. I had become used to lifeguards being rude to the point of even insulting my personal hygiene. But nothing had prepared for the a lifeguard actually lying about something he allegedly observed.
A member whom I can only be persuaded is, at best, a super-creep ("The Hulk") bawled me out several months ago because I had accidentally kicked him.
He stopped in the middle of his lane and roared over and over again "DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME?? YOU KICKED ME!!!" to which I responded each time, "I'm really sorry" or "I'll try not to do it again." This happened at least half a dozen times. I finally gave up and stated, "We're not getting anywhere. I've said 'I'm sorry.'" and began to swim again.
Since that time, this member (no pun intended) has accosted me about 12-15 times, acting as if we were best friends. I have scrupulously avoided speaking to him. But after about the sixth time he came onto me, it felt like harassment: he was insisting that I be "friends" rather than accepting a simple "no way."
Rather like the rapist who tells the woman, "Well, you've gonna have to beam at me when you see me like we're old friends." And if she says "Bug off," she's really in trouble.
Just today at the YMCA pool we were there in adjacent lanes for an hour. I barely grazed him once and then lightly swiped him another time, to which his quick response was to kick me.
Ten minutes later, the lifeguard--a guy whom I had complained was telling swimmers to leave the pool 10 minutes before the lap session was actually "up"--informed me that I had to change my swim-stroke because I was hitting other swimmers.
I tried to tell the lifeguard "But he kicked me!" and ask "Did you witness this?" "How many times?" But he cut me off with a "No." This is a person you have great difficulty believing. It was tit-for-tat, with his tat being a collusion of sorts.
But I guess it's nice to join in the fray and give someone relatively vulnerable a big kick when it suits ya'.
* * * * *
The lifeguards come and go, members like myself are here for years. Yet the YMCA seems to esteem more the words of individuals whose work attitude do not warrant the trust that the Y has placed in them.
Advice: The staff get to know the names of many members. I would keep my distance.
* * * * *
On a more pleasant note, the downtown YMCA is fortunate to have Bergen Beck working for it: She is fair, open-minded, compassionate, and hard-working. Likewise, the newest lifeguards, Abby, Kelsey, Carl, and Garrett have fortunately not been drawn into the negativity and backbiting of their immediate predecessors (the coterie of of Emery, perennially come down with mutism, 19-year-old shift-the-blame-game, Chris...).
The Y is only as good as the people who work for it.
You shouldn't have to be afraid of idle tongues wagging at the Y. Which is a team sport for some.
(3) On Danny Chen:
http://nymag.com/news/features/danny-chen-2012-1/index1.html
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